my mouth tastes like poor choices
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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