your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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