You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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