Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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