I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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