dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Randomize
