Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just had sex on a roof
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
