i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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