I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Only a mothe r could love this liver
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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