I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
