apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
smell my finger.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
