Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
