this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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