just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
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He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
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Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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