if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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