I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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