I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
