honey bunches of taint.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
