I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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