I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
