Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
