my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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