if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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