Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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