he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
