Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
