She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
