Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
