no, he came in my armpit
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
