it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
