Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I think my moral compass just broke
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
