My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
