yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
How does one acquire holy water?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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