$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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