I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
