direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I believe in your delicious
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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