I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
