dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I need a burrito and a hug.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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