You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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