Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
