Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My apartment stinks of burning failure
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
