ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
