i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Vodka?
Forever.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
