He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
