There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
