He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
