even my farts smell like vagina
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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