I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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