I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
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My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
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He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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