I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
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I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
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Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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