i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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