im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
This house was built for laser tag.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize