My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
