Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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