Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
