You're earring is so big in my mouth
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
people are starting to question the shark bite story
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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