Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
