My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
