32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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