If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
