mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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