Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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