All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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