Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
