In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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