THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
