my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
